They Say I'll Run Again

Everyone I come in contact with, doctors, nurses, heart specialists and trainers tell me that my heart attack on August 4 and following double by-pass surgery can be a blessing in disguise. Everyone is so optimistic that I'll not only be able to lead a full and happy life but if I choose, I will be able to run again and go the distance, marathon or beyond. They say my new arteries will allow me to feel "better than ever." Now, I'm not so sure what ever is, but it must be good.

I confess I've been down, blue, depressed or whatever you want to call this dark funk the past couple of months. This summer has been the hardest training segment of my 15 year running career. But the clouds are lifting, I'm beginning to see a ray of light on the horizon and I'm starting to find the mental motivation to dash toward that light. I'm sick of napping, walking, eating. Napping, walking, eating. I'm afraid I don't retire well.

My stress test on Monday went fine. As usual, the verdict was "no problem, get your ass moving to cardio rehab." Welp, my first session of rehab late this Friday afternoon was interesting. I started with a 5 minute warmup on the treadmill, 30 minutes of more intense walking and a 5 minute cool down. Basically, I'm starting from scratch at square one and it's a very humbling experience. The whole session was quite frankly amusing considering the running miles I had already logged prior to my heart attack.

The trainer monitoring my personal screen kept coming over to me and bumping up the speed to keep my heart thumping at what they say is my target heart rate in the mid-80s. I kept upping the speed, the heart rate would jump up to around 90 and quickly back down to the mid-80s, a very, very good sign, according to the lady in charge of my life for the one hour session this afternoon. I've never been a big numbers person when it comes to my running, so at the least I'll learn some new tricks about heart rate monitoring and whatever.

She told me too that there is no reason I won't be able to run. She also reminded me that I was lucky to be alive. "You had a cardiac arrest, open heart surgery and that's a lot worse than a heart attack," she said. My, we runners do have a flair for the extreme and dramatic don't we.

I have to look on the bright side. I'm a runner who dropped dead in a period of less than a minute on a pleasant Saturday morning surrounded by a group of the toughest, most beautiful and caring people in the world. My heart stopped immediately and stayed that way for 12 minutes. These fellow runners breathed oxygen into my mouth, pressed life-giving blood and oxygen from my chest on through this old 63 year old frame in a desperate attempt to keep me alive and they did a good job.

They cared enough to dive into the dirt with me, get down and dirty and in the process kept enough oxygen in my lifeless body so my brain wouldn't join my dead heart. It's because of them that I'm not only alive but I still have the brain power to read and write this little blog post. I showed up at the Reuters newsroom on Wednesday to check in, check my email and prepare to work part-time next week and full-time beginning October 1. My editor is obviously pleased I can still comprehend and write because my commodities markets remain explosive, volatile and hectic. I can't want to get back in the fray. Like running, writing just gets in your blood...there is no way to escape it and believe me I've tried.

I started this blog a little over a year ago on a whim and planned to track my training and running progress with the full intent to write about my completion of my seventh marathon here in Chicago on October 7th. But, I'll be on the sidelines cheerleading.

Boy, did my plans ever change!