I had a surprisingly good long 18 mile run this morning with my running group. It felt good to run in some human-friendly weather for a change and I also had to accept that I was trying to do my long runs too fast so I dropped back a bit, slowed down and enjoyed the morning.
I have been struggling all summer with my long runs and have been thinking of bailing out of the groupie running scene and this week I discovered why those thoughts were coming to me and it is this: I would rather struggle and suffer alone. People mean well when they attempt to encourage me when I'm having problems, but in my mind my struggles mean that I'm weak and that I'm failing. And I don't like to feel failure in front of an audience. So, I think I'm going through another growth spurt here.
Other runners have told me things like running is 90 percent mental. When I first heard that statement I thought it was a bit of bunk, but the longer I run the more I can see and feel that at least a LOT of running is mental.
My mind is my worst enemy and also my best friend. There were several occasions during my run today that the evil and negative portion of my mind, told me to STOP DUMBASS! These patches in my runs have to be recognized quickly by me and quickly replaced with a positive thought from the good or positive part of my mind, or I will quit trying and also not be able to have fun and enjoy this hobby.
This morning was a confidence booster for me and I now think that I may be able to get through another marathon.
Our head running coach was not at the run this morning because his mom died unexpectedly this week and the other coaches said it really had an impact on him. My mom died over a year ago and it hurt me a lot more than I expected. I still miss her and always will. Death for some may be a topic to avoid but the longer I live the more I realize that I will never be able to outrun death. So, a good attitude for me at this point is, assuming I'm still alive, to roll out early tomorrow morning, down a glass or two of water, pull on the running togs and get out for an easy and pleasurable 5 miler to get the ol legs loosed up. Then around noon I will meet my new friends, they don't even know they're my friends, for a kickass Pilates class and get this old frame lined up so I can keep moving.
This lifestyle may not be good for everyone but it is good for me.
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"Running is 90% mental -- the other half is physical." - (Adaptation of a Yogi Berra quote).
The more that I run with my running group, the more that I know that I need to run alone. During long running events such as a marathon or further, I spend a lot of time alone. It's necessary to practice this "alone running" to increase my "mental fitness" for the long events that I run.
When I was in my 20s and 30s, I didn't have the maturity to be alone with my own thoughts for too long. Towards the end of a marathon, I'd have all kinds of negative thoughts creeping into my brain pan. Now that I'm almost 50, I enjoy my time alone...I actually relish those times when others aren't around, (even though I'm a very social person). We do change, don't we?
Happy trails,
Bad Ben
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